2007 was a banner year for douchebags. It seemed like everywhere you turned, another douchebag was making headlines. From Spencer Pratt to the "Don't Tase Me, Bro" guy; from Brady Quinn to the guy who plays the Mac in those MAC vs. PC commercials; from Marcel of Top Chef to John Fitzgerald Page, douchebags ruled 2007.
But only one douchebag can win the 2007 Douchie award, which is given only to the douchebag who best exemplifies what it truly means to be a douchebag. After careful consideration and much deliberation, I have decided to award the 2007 Douchebag of the Year Award to...
The guy from the Philawarepragueacago commercial for AT&T.
"I'm a student."
Oh are you, you condescending fuck? Could you be a little bit more pleased with yourself about that? Could you act just a little more self-satisfied? Oh, and what college student wears a sports coat, you smug prick?
"I go to school in Delaware."
Seriously, Delaware? Then where in the hell did you get that Ivy League attitude? You're the exact kind of arrogant douchebag that every state school has hundreds of, with the whole "I could have gone to Harvard if I wanted, but I chose to come here" aura, but in reality you couldn't even get into Brown. That's why you went to Delaware and became a Biology major. The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell? I learned that in 9th grade. Hell of an education you're getting there in Delaware.
"My brother goes to school in Prague."
Well at least he left the Eastern seaboard. I bet you go home every weekend because you don't have any friends in Delaware. You tell your classmates that you are going home to see your girlfriend but really, there is no girlfriend. You just hole up in your old bedroom and read Thomas Pynchon until it's time to head back to Delaware for another week of class.
"I got a bunch of friends who study in Chicago."
No, you know a few people who go to school in Chicago. They aren't your friends. When you call them on your AT&T phone, they see your number and press Ignore. And who says "study" anyway, you pretentious tool? No one studies in college. You're probably the guy who says "I go to university".
Plus, why are your parents from the 1950s? Why are you so condescending to your mom when she asks what you're doing? Why doesn't your Union Pipefitter father beat the shit out of you for being such a douche? A little advice, fictional douchebag from this commercial. When you graduate with your near-worthless degree from the most prestigious school in the great state of Delaware, you should go to a place that you'll find fellow smug sport coat wearing assbags, where you can continue your "studies": Law school. Oh, and congrats. You are my 2007 Douchebag of the Year.
